Did You Know I Fall in Love With You Again
Beloved songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and nigh of our worst ideas.
Throughout human history, oceans have been crossed, mountains accept been scaled, and keen families accept blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other mitt, that fourth dimension you told that daughter you lot merely started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that considering of a love song. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she all of a sudden decided to "lose your number" and movement back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
That fourth dimension you held that smash box over your head outside your ex's house? Y'all did that because of a love vocal. And fifty hours of customs service afterward, y'all're yet non back together.
Honey songs are cracking. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life man relationships should work.
They're amazing. So amazing. And also terrible.
Here are six beloved songs that audio romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic but totally is:
1. "God Just Knows," by The Embankment Boys
You can go along your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Go Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it'south at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics always committed to the dorsum of a surfboard.
Hither's why it sounds romantic:
I may not ever love you
Just long equally at that place are stars above y'all
You lot never need to doubt it
I'll make y'all so sure about it
God only knows what I'd exist without yous
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really cease and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a beach brawl over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the dorsum of your mind, yous demand to rethink the choices that got you to this point.
If yous're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and yous're non underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing it wrong.
It'due south a song that merely feels like dearest. Pure beloved. Young love. Dearest with a arctic, kelp-y vibe.
What could be incorrect with that?
Here's why it's actually really, really unromantic:
There'southward zippo wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-elevation notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall asleep while you lot whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
But there is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.
If you should e'er leave me
Though life would still go along believe me
The world could evidence nil to me
So what good would living practice me?
Await, I get information technology. Breakups suck. There's no getting around that. Simply good God.
There's a huge difference between saying: "Hey babe, yous are my beginning and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And maxim: "Welp, yous accepted that job in Seattle, so I'k simply gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."
Merely that's pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd exist without you
...horror-pic creepy. Because the respond, apparently, is: "I'd exist a corpse!"
That's non dear. That's codependency (to put information technology mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It'south a class of emotional corruption.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in whatsoever human relationship — 1 that, by definition, might one day end — is putting a lot of eggs in one handbasket. Sure, God may merely know what you'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you lot take, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Endeavor kite surfing.
One person cannot be anyone's be-all and stop-all. It's besides stressful. And information technology prevents you lot from doing you, which is a affair that'due south gotta be done before you lot can do annihilation else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
two. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Sure, it'southward a breathy rip off of every Michael Jackson song y'all've always heard. Simply, we don't accept Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could practice a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Here's why the song sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you are
Beloved, you're my golden star
You know you tin brand my wish come up truthful
If you let me treasure you
If you let me treasure you
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll likely become an instant price pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, appointment dark is going to culminate in 47 minutes of celibate-yet-passionate frenching.
Laissez passer them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they will recollect y'all're weird — but probably however make out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime laissez passer to make out with America considering of this vocal.
And I'm OK with that.
Merely, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as information technology seems:
Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes about gender.
Things offset to get south right from the very beginning:
Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby
I gotta tell you a petty something nigh yourself
Ah yes. Nada screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a foreign woman on the street about something she "doesn't know near herself."
What could information technology exist? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could it exist that she'southward got something in her teeth? Could information technology be that her nonfiction book most early modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?
Spoiler Alert: It'southward none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
But you walk effectually hither similar you wanna be someone else
Oh. Information technology'southward that she's sexy. Absurd, bro. Very original.
Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she'south sexy. Fifty-fifty if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her day-to-day so much that you, a complete stranger, demand to shout it at her (even over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does desire to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I remember being Ryan Gosling would be quite overnice. A skillful style to spend a 3-day weekend.
And then later, of class, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should exist smiling
A girl like yous should never look so blue.
He respects her so much, he's really straight-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' graphic symbol "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hitting [their] hallelujah." Which, y'all know, I approximate everybody's got a thing.
Yeah, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy human relationship is an unending stream of a homo complimenting a foreign woman and said woman being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."
He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover similar the world's creepiest pirate:
You are my treasure, y'all are my treasure
You are my treasure, yep, you, you lot, y'all, you are
You are my treasure, y'all are my treasure
Y'all are my treasure, aye, you, you, you, you are
By this point, in his heed, she's a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could exist worse, though. At least she's not just any affair.
That'south ... something, right?
3. "Don't Think Twice, Information technology's All Right," by Bob Dylan
For as long as humans take been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a human relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Here's why information technology sounds romantic:
Well, information technology ain't no utilize to sit and wonder why, babe
Even you don't know past now
And information technology own't no use to sit down and wonder why, baby
It'll never do somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window, and I'll exist gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
Just don't call back twice, it's all right.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits state of affairs like whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful vocal. Information technology's the song your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her fellow left for college. The vocal that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her banking concern-teller task, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chime store in Mendocino. The song your friend'south cool dad e'er wants to play when he invited your high school band over to his apartment to jam.
Sure, it'southward about the cease of a relationship, just information technology sounds romantic. And at the end of the day, shouldn't that be enough?
Here's why it's actually sooooo messed upwardly:
Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no correct way to call information technology quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion about what went incorrect.
In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils downwardly to: "It's your fault."
Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my center, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You're all like, "Babe, I just have and so much unspecified dear to give," and she's similar, "Take out the trash!" And you're similar, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my center be enough?" And she'southward like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole business firm, fed the canis familiaris, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the calendar week. All I demand you to do is accept out the trash." And yous're similar, "You're bumming me out. I'k gonna get play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you lot do? Why is she trying to modify you? UGH!
You could accept done improve, merely I don't mind
Yes. You lot do mind! You listen! Y'all wrote a song about it, you passive-aggressive prick.
You merely kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yeah. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Recollect about all the hours yous wasted plumbing the bounding main-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you lot could have been futzing around with that dwelling house-brew kit.
The minute you start breaking it down, the message of "Don't Recollect Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister's ex-young man, who worked at the Bass Pro Store in town for a while and at present might be in jail. Like your aunt's wind chinkle shop, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Similar your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.
Oh yeah, and the vocal's narrator besides point-bare refers woman he's leaving equally:
A child, I'grand told
That's right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he's besides peradventure a pedophile.
Even if nosotros are to take that this is a metaphor and she'due south not actually a child — which there's no indication it is, simply OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson hither would willingly cull an young partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a fell, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may be the signal.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bloodshot folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hr?
Here's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness considering jet planes were still kind of new at the time information technology was written.
'Cause I'thousand leavin' on a jet plane
To a modern ear, this would exist sort of like singing, "I'm a scoooting abroad on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that'due south somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer military camp. Not easy to do!
Oh babe, I hate to go
Yous encounter — he hates to get! He just hates information technology! We know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to go if he didn't love his partner just that much?
Why indeed?
Hither's why information technology's really not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can only distract so much from the fact that the song'due south main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates being abroad all that much:
There's so many times I've let you downwards
And then many times I've played around
I tell you at present, they don't mean a thing
"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while you were domicile nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to practise! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. Just rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
Yep, when you break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'south "skilful" despite all evidence to the contrary.
And for all he claims to be broken up about having to part from his one and only, the dude seems pretty excited about the flying. Oh, you're leaving on a jet plane, are you? Are yous Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter almost the "terrible" Cibo express salad you were forced to choke downwards every bit you sat waiting to commence on your fun, mysterious adventure?
He continues:
Ev'ry place I become, I'll recollect of you lot
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for y'all
Ah cool. He'll think nearly her while strumming and making "my love is delicate as the morning dew" optics at a waif-y grad student in the front row. That pretty much makes up for information technology all.
Then he demands:
So osculation me and smiling for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Later all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to be a grade-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he withal has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And here'due south the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring
Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
Unlike all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank business relationship, and only been a full general screwup and disappointment.
Merely yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ring.
I promise she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
five. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When yous expect upwardly "soul" in the lexicon, the book plays you a recording of this vocal.
Specifically, it plays yous the very starting time line.
Here'due south why it sound very romantic:
When a man loves a woman
Sure, yous can write the lyrics down, but it doesn't even come shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, succulent pain-belting:
WHEN A Human LOVES A WOMAN
Closer ... but still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It's an elemental lyric.
Information technology's a middle-shattering lyric.
It'south a lyric that demands y'all put your dorsum into information technology.
It's perfection.
As long equally you don't keep listening.
Hither's why the song is really pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a human loves a adult female.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said woman?
He'd surrender all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way
It ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A man, no thing how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in dear, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man volition die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his dorsum on his best friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A homo can't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A homo needs friends! Once a human's whole support system erodes out from nether him, a human being volition be bitter, ungrounded, and lonely. And a man'south mental health will deteriorate.
I gave y'all everything I have
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless honey
Baby, delight don't treat me bad.
This is not what happens "when a human being loves a adult female." It's what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An calumniating woman. A woman who, in truth, merely loves a woman. Herself.
And that's not healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you lot.
(Side note: Lest information technology go unsaid, there is way more than than one way for a homo to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Perhaps they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they dress up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the aforementioned. Or when a woman loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there'south no one-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Diverseness is the spice of life. Necessity is the female parent of invention. There's more than than one way to pare a cat. A spoonful of saccharide helps the medicine go down.
Signal being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You lot can do this! And if y'all ever notice yourself in a similar state of affairs, please requite these people a telephone call.
6. "All I Wanna Do is Brand Honey to Y'all," Heart
Honestly, Middle could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me want to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the finish of a pier.
This song is perfect. Y'all should always be listening to information technology. If you're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face up and Google it. It's only that important.
So much passion. Then much pain. So much hair.
Hither's why information technology sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Center sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a primal tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for one night of mind-bravado sex and and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to bone — but never quite as compellingly ever again.
They sing:
It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing past the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accustomed with a grin so we drove for a while
I don't accept to go on because you know what happens next, and it'due south awesome.
Now, here'southward why this song is not romantic at all:
The human relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too proficient to be true. And information technology is. Because it's not an equally loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.
It'south a...
Information technology's a...
Well. Y'all know what it is:
For a while, things are humming along merely fine, similar any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't ask him his name, this lonely male child in the pelting
Fate, tell me information technology'southward right, is this love at first sight?
Sure, many of us might hesitate to pick up a foreign leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached spiral, only our narrator just has a feeling most this guy, and sometimes, you lot gotta go with your gut.
I can respect that.
Nosotros made magic that night
He did everything correct
Great! Seems like it was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
But and then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time cracking romance and more like a story men'due south rights activists tell each other as they vape effectually a campfire:
I told him "I am the flower, y'all are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Only live in my memory, y'all'll e'er be there"
I'thou not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. Simply unless "blossom," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sexual practice was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might be tempted to recollect, "Maybe Middle meant something else past that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
And so it happened one mean solar day
We came circular the same way
Yous can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
In that location are ii possibilities here.
1: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York Metropolis subway advertising from nine years ago:
Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping upwardly a baby on the sly.
I said, "Delight, please empathize
Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.
I'g in love with some other homo
Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has at present wrecked non one but two lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one picayune affair that you tin"
A HUMAN LIFE! A Real SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The best you lot tin can say nigh that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket human being probably should have been responsible for his own nativity control. Or, at the very to the lowest degree, asked more questions .
Only ... it'southward not cute. It's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves concord).
And at the end of the day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is saying something.
Just in that location is a dearest song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.
A song that does everything right.
A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to final.
A vocal that can double as a manual for the ideal human being romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," past fifty Cent, featuring Olivia
Here's why you might be — OK, nigh definitely are — skeptical:
As catchy as "Candy Store" is, every bit fun information technology is to dance to, and as cathartic equally it tin be to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.m., there'due south no getting around the fact that the vocal begins like this:
I'll accept you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
I'll post that again, in case you missed some of the dash:
I'll take y'all to the candy shop
I'll permit you lick the lollipop
Way to take one for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!
At first glance, "Processed Shop" is nobody's idea of a classic love song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The beat is kinda basic. The hook is similar the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It'due south not a song yous'd put on a mixtape for your trounce. It's not a song you lot'd play for your spouse when the kids are at dwelling with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear upward the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It's certainly not a song y'all'd include on the video photo montage you lot made for your grandparents' silverish anniversary.
It'due south merely not.
But it should be.
So hither it is. Here'due south why "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect human relationship vocal:
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission skid. It'due south only been 20 seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang it up with "Candy Shop."
But then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the form of a female voice joining the track, cut through the din similar a blaring phone call.
She sings:
I'll accept you to the candy shop (yeah)
Boy, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have y'all spendin' all you got (come up on)
Continue going 'til yous striking the spot, whoa
It's common! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex on each other!
Band the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
50 Cent himself may not be the globe's greatest partner — for example, according to 1 of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
But the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:
You could have it your way, how do you want information technology?
Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in yous!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'g going to care for you like a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Practise is Make Dearest to You," ("I'm going to flim-flam y'all into knocking me upwards!") — the "Processed Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the world of popular music, is expert for near 50,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?
It'southward whatsoever you're into
'Crusade consent is sexy!
I own't finished didactics you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.
But here'south the key thing: the lady on the receiving terminate of those desires? She'southward clearly into information technology. And we know this because she says so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are brilliant red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky club floor.
Girl what we do ...
And where we do ...
The things we do ...
Are but between me and you
No matter how nasty they freak, it will exist intimate. It volition be private. At that place will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very peradventure in the instance of "Candy Store") minutes long.
She may accept a loftier sex drive, but dude is graciously offer to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids only might go the distance afterward all.
And at the end of the day, what is a human relationship but two nymphos, sharing health insurance?
It's like it's a race who could get undressed quicker
Again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an every bit great time.
I touch the right spot at the right time
Of class, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop striking without a spot of random humbug, but if we're to take him at his discussion, "Processed Shop" guy is at least as good at "doing everything right" every bit the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Practise is Make Love to Y'all" — except without all the creepy surprise infant nonsense.
The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Considering he's not a hero or a stranger in the dark or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a adept partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It's muddied. It's non your grandmother's honey song.
But when you strip away the swagger, the back trounce, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Heart Eastern Music 1993," by the terminate of the vocal, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the twenty-four hour period, isn't that what a good for you relationship is all about?
Aye.
Uh-huh.
So seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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